Adventures in cooking
by yuewolf
Summary: After a lively and eventful night on the town, Watari and Tsuzuki return to meifu to make an early morning snack in the employee lunch room. One shot.


AN: This is my first fan fiction. Sorry bout the crappyness of it. It may be a bit OOC. But I don't really care. R/R if ya like . hands out cookies

"ssshhhhhh..." Tsuzuki pressed his finger to his lips, and stumbled a little as he turned toward Watari.

"We need to be stealthy!" Watari stifled his laughter with his hands. Which didn't help much, since he was now producing loud raspberries on his hand in a failed attempt to stop his giggling. Tsuzuki and his partner in crime, continued to tiptoe down the halls toward the employees break room. Due to the everlasting joy of budget cuts, the break room consisted of only a simple long table with chairs, a wall clock, a refrigerator to store lunches, and a microwave. Nothing fancy, but it worked.

"Hey, Tsuzuki." Watari poked at his fellow shinigami as they entered the break room.

"Do you think we can make Mac n' cheese? It reminds me of noodles covered in cheese, but I don't think we have any of that left." Watari frowned at the thought of not being able to eat the delicacy of cheese smothered with noodles.

"I think you have drunk tonight too much." Stumbling over to the cupboard, Tsuzuki pulled out a blue box of instant Mac n' cheese.

"Ta-da! Tee hee. I am like a magician!" Watari started to giggle again when Tsuzuki fell to the floor with the box of Mac n' cheese clutched tightly to his chest.

"Do you think you could pull a rabbit out of my pants?" The blond hair shinigami fell into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, and fell to the floor next to Tsuzuki.

"Read the directions I cant remember anything" Said Tsuzuki as he flung the box to Watari, who somehow, managed to catch it, even his advanced stage of drunkenness. Adjusting his glasses, he stared with intense concentration at the side of the box.

"This has a lot of big words." His hansom face scrunched up as he tried to concentrate on the small, and advanced words.

"Thim...thiamin mo-mononictr-ate, r-ribo-fl-avin, tripolyphosphate...sodium...WHAT THE HELL IS SODIUM?" Watari slamed the box on the floor in frustration.

"DAMN IT ALL! WHY THE HELL DO THEY HAVE TO MAKE THINGS SO

DIFFICUhmeshmt..." Watari was suprised to find Tsuzuki's hand clamped over his mouth.

"Tatsumi said he was working late tonight! He might still be lurking in the bowels of the building. If he catches us, he might probe us!" He removed his hand form Watari's mouth and poked the box.

"Besides, I may be a little of a lot drunk as me, but i think you where reading the ingredients.

"..."

"..."

"...Oh...tee hee." Flipping the box, over, he proceeded to read the...real...directions.

"We, by we i mean us, will need 6 cups water, 4 tbsp butter, and 1/4 cup milk." Tsuzuki jumped to his feet and started to collect the needed items.

"Water, check. Butter, check. Milk... um...milk. AH! Here it is." Tsuzuki pulled out the quarter full gallon of milk from the fridge. With his classic cheezy smile on his face, Tsuzuki looked down at Watari (who was still sitting on the floor) and awaited further instructions.

"Boil water, stir in macaroni...wait...we need a pot to boil the water. We don't have anything like that in here." Watari scratched his head in confusion.

"Here! Use this, I found it in the fridge." Tsuzuki handed a large tubaware bowl labeled with Tatsumi's name, along with a few offending warnings about not touching it.

"Ah! Tsuzuki, sometimes your genius astounds even me." Watari jumped to his feet to join Tsuzuki as the dumped out the current contents of the container, and started to fill it with the necessary items to make instant Mac n, cheese. To save time, as they where both very hungry, they decided to boil the noodles with all the other ingredients together, as this would somehow make the whole process go along exactly 2 minutes and 28 seconds faster, by Wateri's calculations.

Watari reached for the milk, and ripped off the lid. The room was instantly filled with the lovely and addiction smell of sour milk. They both looked at each other, then the milk...and back at each other.

"What do you suppose that smell is?" Watari held the milk up to his nose and inhaled deeply.

"ACK! Cough tsuzuki, I ink its dis." He held the container up to Tsuzuki's nose, tempting him to confirm his findings. Taking a deep breath, Tsuzuki inhaled the aroma of the milk.

"Ya know, I think we could still use it." Watari lifted an eyebrow.

"You really think so? It's all lumpy. And it's a weird color."

"Yeah, its kinda like when you cook something with alcohol in it, the heat like...um...makes it non alcoholy. Maybe if we do the same with the milk, it will be non...well...um...I lost my train of thought, but you get the idea." Watari stared at him in disbelief.

"I dare you to try it." He grinned from ear to ear.

"Ill even give you a doughnut." At this, Tsuzuki perked up considerably.

"With sprinkles?"

"Sure, why not."

"You got yourself a deal!" Tsuzuki snatched the milk form Watari, and hesitantly put the container to his lips...and took 4 large gulps before he slammed the milk on the counter. A sickly expression took over his face, and his amethyst eyes filled with tears. Watari stared at him for a while before he was able to

collect his thoughts.

"You have got to be either really drunk, or really drunk."

"I don't think we can use this." He managed to choke out before falling once again to the floor, coughing and sputtering.

"Damn Tatsumi, too cheap to even pour this crap out." Watari put the lid back on the milk, and shoved it back in the fridge. Ignoring his friends gasps for air, he leaned agenced the counter and stared at the bowl full of water and butter. His face lit up as a genius thought came to mind.

"Hey, what if we just replace the milk, with butter. They both come from the same cow, right?" Tsuzuki almost instantly forgot his near death experience with the milk, and jumped to his feet.

"Oh my gosh! Your right!" He put his hands to either side of Wataris face, and pulled him close.

"I love you!" He planted a big wet kiss square on Wataris lips before turning to the butter. Watari spaced out a bit before coming to his senses.

"O-okay." He plunged a large spoon into the butter and plopped the yellow goop into the tubbaware container. Holding the container of water, noodles, powdered cheese, and butter triumphantly over his

head, Watari looked around the small room in confusion.

"Where's the stove?"

"I didn't know we would need one."

"I think we do."

"...Oh...cant we just use the microwave?"

"Once again, you astound me Tsuzuki!" Watari trotted over to the microwave (which was quite a sight considering he is drunk to the gills and can barely tell left form a fish at this state.) And

shoved the bowl in the little magic heater box.

"How long should we set the time for?" Watari looked over his shoulder to Tsuzuki.

"Hmmm...It said we should let it boil for 7-9 minutes on the stove...so...we will use the same time with the microwave!" Tsuzuki smiled at his brilliant deduction. Watari pushed needed buttons and stared impatiently at the microwave.

"I heard someplace, that a watch pot never boils, so if we don't watch it, it will boil, but if we leave the room all together, it will boil even faster!" Tsuzuki smiled broadly at his idea. After all, they where very hungry, and the sooner the water finished boiling, the sooner they could eat. They both walked drunkenly out of the break room, and out into the hallway.

Meanwhile:

Tatsumi rubbed his temples. He had been up all night doing last minute paperwork, including the latest damage reports. He glanced over at the clock. It was already one in the morning. Deciding to call it a night, he rose from his seat and began to collect his coat. All he wanted was to crawl into his nice warm bed and dream of a certain purple-eyed shinigami...who didn't cause any damage, and did his job right without causing any trouble that would put them into an even greater debt. Which was something that would only happen in his dreams. It was then that his thoughts where interrupted by a slightly huge explosion coming form the...can you guess...the break room. Cursing, he ran toward the potentially costly noise. His heart sank as the room came into view, there was smoke billowing out the door, scorch marks covering the walls, and the sound of...laughter...coming from within the ominous cloud of smoke.

"It can't be..." Tatsumi held his breath as he entered the room. To his terror, there, sitting by the, er...former staff microwave, sat Watari and Tsuzuki. Both of which were covered with scorch marks and bits of whatever the hell you would call the "Mac n' cheese" they where making. Tatsumi was speechless. He just stood there, with his mouth gaping open at this unexpected, though not highly improbable sight.

Watari poked at the contents of the container with his finger.

"I don't think I want to eat this, it looks and smells like tar. And the Mac n cheese melted into the tubbaware...or the tubbaware melted into the Mac n cheese."

"Well if your not going to eat it..." Tsuzuki grabbed the container from Watari, but before he could take a bite, a terrifying beast with razor sharp claws and scary gleaming eyes loomed over him and snatched it out of his hands.

"WHAT...THE HELL...HAVE YOU DONE...TO MY BREAK ROOM!" Tsuzuki and Watari froze.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS IS GOING TO COST? NO BONUS, FOR EITHER OF YOU!" It would appear that smoke was now billowing form Tatsumi's ears. Watari giggled, and Tsuzuki pouted.

"Can I at least have my food back?" Tsuzuki asked looking up at an enraged Tatsumi.

"OUT! BOTH OF YOU! WE WILL DISCUSE THIS TOMARROW...WAS THIS MY EGG SALAD! IT WAS, WASNT IT! THAT WAS MY LUNCH! I HAD IT LABLED! GGGGGGRRRRRRRR! Forget it! Go home, both of you! I want you two here first thing in the morning; I don't care if you have the worst hangover in the history of the world! 6:00 sharp! Be here, or Ill kill you!" Tatsumi threw down the container, Tsuzuki made a mad dash for it, and Watari was still giggling. Tatsumi grabbed the two by the scruff of their shirt and dragged them out of the room, and threw them outside.

"Remember, 6:00 SHARP!" He slammed the doors behind him, and headed back toward his office. It was going to be a long night.

"Wow, he was mad." Watari's words where barely understandable over his laughter.

"I thought he was going to kill us." The two sighed deeply and started to head toward their homes, while singing the Henry the 8th song. It was then Tsuzuki remembered something of great important.

"Waaatari! We have to go back now!"

"WHAT! And face the wrath of grouchy pants! What the hell would compel you to brave such a thing!" Watari threw his arms up in the air, as if to emphasize his point.

"Well...I forgot my Mac n' cheese."

End (thank the gods)


End file.
